Most singles have a “type.”
Tall. Petite. Athletics. Ivy League. Entrepreneurial. Asian. Blonde. Extroverted. Never married. No kids. Loves travel. Lives within 20 miles.
There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you’re attracted to. In fact, as matchmakers, we want our clients to be clear about what they want.
But there’s a question I sometimes ask:
Has your type actually worked for you?
If you’ve dated the same kind of person over and over again, and those relationships keep ending in similar ways. So it may be worth examining whether your “type” is helping you find love or simply helping you repeat a familiar pattern.
Attraction Matters. But a Checklist Isn’t Chemistry.
In matchmaking, we often meet highly successful singles who are very good at making decisions. They evaluate investments. Hire executives. Negotiate deals. Analyze risk. They’ve built successful careers by knowing exactly what they want and eliminating what doesn’t fit.
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Then they bring the same skill set into dating.
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She’s two inches taller than I normally date.
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He’s not the profession I pictured.
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She has a child.
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He’s five years older than my usual range.
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She isn’t my usual physical type.
Next.
The problem is that choosing a life partner isn’t executive recruiting.
Some criteria absolutely matter. Shared values matter. Character matters. Emotional availability matters. Lifestyle compatibility matters. Whether you both want marriage or children matters.
But many of the things people use to eliminate potential partners have surprisingly little to do with whether two people could build a happy life together.
We Encourage Our Clients to Meet Someone Outside Their Type
One advantage of working with a matchmaker is that there is a human being between the profile and the decision. We’ve interviewed both people. We understand their personalities, relationships histories, values, lifestyles and what they say they want.
And sometimes we see compatibility that neither person would have recognized from a profile alone.
A client may initially say:
“She’s not really my usual type.”
Or:
“I’m not sure I would have picked him myself.”
Your previous “type” got plenty of opportunities. Maybe it’s time to give someone different
Just one dinner. Not marriage. Not a commitment. Just dinner.
Don't Lower Your Standards. Examine Them.
I don't believe successful singles should lower their standards just because dating is difficult. But I do believe you should understand which standards actually matter.
There is a big difference between standards and preferences.
Wanting someone kind, emotionally mature, trustworthy and genuinely interested in building a relationship? Those are meaningful standards.
Wanting someone 6’ or taller, who attended a particular caliber of university, lives within 15 miles, has never been married and matches the physical characteristics of the last three people you dated? Those may be preferences.
And preferences deserve some flexibility when the right person comes along.
Love Sometimes Arrives in Different Packaging
After years in matchmaking, one thing continues to fascinate me: people can be incredibly specific about who they think will make them happy. And then life surprises them.
The person who makes you feel understood may not have the résumé you imagined.
The person who makes you laugh until your stomach hurts may not look like your ex.
The person who gives you peace instead of butterflies may initially feel unfamiliar. Sometimes what feels familiar is simply what we've repeated before.
So the next time someone seems interesting but doesn't perfectly match your “type,” consider giving yourself a little room to be surprised.
Elite Asian Matchmaker is a private boutique matchmaking firm serving accomplished singles across the U.S. and internationally. We believe finding the right partner isn't about finding a perfect profile. It's about finding the right human being.
Ready to date outside your type? Schedule a private consultation today.